


Felix Fucks Himself

by purple_bookcover



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Face Slapping, M/M, Mean, Selfcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26112217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_bookcover/pseuds/purple_bookcover
Summary: Felix finds another Felix in the training hall and they fuck.That's it. That's the fic.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 33
Kudos: 56
Collections: Treat Yourself 2020





	Felix Fucks Himself

**Author's Note:**

> CW: For Felix being mean to himself during sex because of course he fucking would. 
> 
> Written for kinkmeme. Writing Felix talking to himself was an absolute nightmare. This guy is the worst. Why do I love him?

Whatever Byleth did, it broke everything.

It wasn’t just Byleth who changed. The entire world changed, or ended, or _something_. Felix didn’t know what, but he felt it all the same. It was like reality itself was a blanket being unraveled one thread at a time.

The strangest part was the double vision. The stone around him multiplied. A phantom image stood slightly skewed from solid reality. Or perhaps what Felix thought of as reality was the phantom. His eyes felt crossed; everything tilted. He stumbled against the wall of the training hall, his sword clattering out of his grip as he struggled to figure out what was still solid and real. 

Someone hit the wall behind him. 

Felix jerked away and spun. He was alone in the training room, or he had been before the world shifted around him. 

Now, he faced himself. Literally himself.

The person bracing against the wall was him. There was no doubt. The clothing, the way he parted his hair, even the surprise on his face – Felix may as well have been looking into a mirror. 

He startled backward – and so did the other him. Other Felix raised the sword he still held.

“Who the fuck are you?” Other Felix said.

Felix didn’t answer; what would be the point? Other Felix knew the truth. He simply didn’t want to say it. _Annoying._

“How?” Felix said.

Other Felix didn’t answer. Felix grit his teeth. Getting information from this asshole was far more obnoxious than it had any need to be.

Felix pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright. We’re both here. Byleth did something.”

“Clearly,” Other Felix drawled. 

“So.”

“So?”

“Do we try to fix it?” Felix said.

Other Felix looked around. “Things seem … fine.”

“So we do nothing?”

Other Felix shrugged. “Perhaps we should check elsewhere.”

That was a reasonable enough suggestion. Felix retrieved his weapon before trailing Other Felix out of the training hall and into the monastery. 

It looked as it had before, which was to say utterly ruined – toppled, cracked and broken after years of ceaseless war. 

“How would we even know if it was worse?” Other Felix said.

“Fair.” 

They continued through the monastery, but Felix couldn’t tell if it was any worse off than before. Was that bench always broken? Had that hole always existed in the roof of the dining hall? 

They neared the dorms. Felix wasn’t sure if Other Felix was following him or if they both just had the same idea about where to go and when. 

Either way, they took the tilting stairs up to the second story. Felix rolled his eyes at the moans coming from Sylvain’s room, sure Other Felix was doing the same. 

Then they arrived at Felix’s room. Or Other Felix’s room. It was impossible to tell. 

The room seemed unchanged, but Felix honestly couldn’t recall if he’d left that tunic on the floor. 

“Is anything amiss?” Felix said.

Other Felix put his hands on his hips. “Close the door. That noise is annoying.”

Felix did. The room got quiet. Felix could almost believe he was alone. Perhaps, in a way, he was. 

“No,” Other Felix said.

“No what?”

“Nothing is amiss. This is my room.” 

Other Felix settled on the bed, seeming utterly at home.

“Well,” Felix said, “it could be my room.”

“Perhaps.” 

Felix sighed. He set down his sword before sitting beside himself on the bed and easing off his shoes. 

“What are you doing?” Other Felix said.

“Relaxing,” Felix said. “I’m tired from training. Nothing is out of place. There’s nothing to be done about this.” 

“Hm,” Other Felix said, “fair.” He started taking off his shoes as well. 

Felix glanced over at himself. “You’re staying here?”

“It is my room.”

“It’s also my room.”

“Well,” Other Felix said, “we can share it or one of us can leave.”

“Both of us could leave,” Felix said, “for the sake of fairness.” 

“That’s true,” Other Felix said. He paused, considering. “We could fight for it.”

Felix contemplated this. Other Felix had also set aside his sword. Felix didn’t particularly care to fight himself to the death, even though he felt sure he’d win. The consequences could be dire. If one of them died, did the other? Felix didn’t especially want to find out. 

Hand to hand combat then. Was a room worth it? Felix didn’t care about the space itself, but it would be a hassle to move his things, however they ended up dividing their own possessions with each other. 

Felix couldn’t say he cared about the prize, now that he thought about it, but the idea of battling himself, seeing if this version of him had trained harder somehow, was stronger or better in some way – that held considerable appeal. 

“Very well,” Felix said. “I’ll fight you. No weapons.”

“That’s sensible,” Other Felix said. “Not sure what will happen if one of us dies.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“So how should we go about it?” Other Felix said.

“Wrestling,” Felix said.

Other Felix nodded. “An honest contest of strength.”

Felix looked at himself. Other Felix moved quickly, perhaps meaning to surprise him, but it was an obvious attack and Felix met him. They grappled, rolling onto the bed. It was strange fighting someone the exact same height and weight as himself, someone whose every move was laughably predictable. It didn’t make for much of a fight, in truth.

Other Felix meant to knee him in the groin, but Felix knew it was coming and flipped them both over. He tried to keep Other Felix on his back. Having leverage helped tipped the scales in his favor. It was literally the only difference between them. 

Suddenly, Other Felix yanked Felix downward – not the direction he’d expected to go – and kissed him, kissed himself.

Felix was surprised enough that Other Felix could flip them both again, getting Felix onto his back, leaving the sheets a tangled mess from all the rolling. 

“I won,” Other Felix said.

Felix couldn’t dispute that. Other Felix had him pinned down and the one thing that might surprise him was now off the table. Felix certainly wasn’t going to kiss himself again. It was weird. And it wasn’t how you won fights. 

“That’s a terrible tactic,” Felix said.

“It worked,” Other Felix said. 

“Do you mean to go around kissing your enemies?” Felix said.

“No,” Other Felix said.

“Then it’s a terrible tactic.”

“I adapted to the unique circumstances of this bout.”

Felix rolled his eyes at himself. Goddess, he was annoying. 

“So what do you want?” Felix said. “The room? We’ll need to divide our things. I can’t leave with no clothing.” 

Other Felix considered this. “No,” he said, “you can stay. If I can have sex with you.”

Felix blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Curiosity.”

That’s all Other Felix supplied as an explanation. 

“You’re lying,” Felix said. 

Other Felix shrugged. “Whether I am or not, it doesn’t matter. You lost.”

“So you mean to have your way? That wasn’t stipulated.”

“No, I’d like you to agree,” Other Felix said. “Aren’t you curious? Tell me, have you let anyone touch you? I have, but it was annoying. They knew nothing. They needed instructions.” Other Felix’s eyes swept over himself. “You, I suspect, would require considerably less coaching.” 

Felix chose to ignore his doppelganger’s question. He was, unfortunately, making a very fair point.

“Yes,” Felix said. “Very well. That makes sense.”

Other Felix grinned, just a little, but Felix knew what to look for. He switched from pinning Felix down to interlocking their fingers. Other Felix sat on Felix, leaning down closer. 

“I’d like to fuck you,” Other Felix said. 

Felix paused. He suspected Other Felix meant “fuck” specifically and not in the general sense of just having sex. They’d already established that they’d have sex. This fuck could only mean actually fucking. Would he hurt himself? Felix didn’t think so, not in this context at least. That didn’t mean it would be enjoyable, though Other Felix certainly would know his body well. 

“Fine,” Felix said. 

Other Felix leaned the rest of the way down, kissing him. It was a dizzying sensation, like deja vu. Felix couldn’t say it was exactly _arousing_. He knew what his own mouth tasted like. But maybe if he closed his eyes and acted like it was someone else, someone who wasn’t himself...

That didn’t quite work. Other Felix was too intuitive. He knew when to prod into Felix’s mouth with his tongue, knew when to grind his hips back, knew when to release Felix’s hands, sure he wouldn’t flee. 

“This is strange,” Felix said.

Other Felix was pushing Felix’s shirt up, kissing down his torso. It didn’t feel bad, but Felix still hadn’t shaken the strangeness. At least from this position he couldn’t see more than the top of Other Felix’s head. That was almost like it being someone else. 

Other Felix reached Felix’s pants. He looked up. Was he seeking reassurance? Perhaps it was just a habit. Perhaps this Felix was more experienced and had actions like this ingrained in him. 

Felix didn’t know what his doppelganger saw, but it sent Other Felix lower. He rubbed over Felix and, damn him, he knew just how to go about it. 

Other Felix tugged Felix’s pants and underthings down. It was odd being exposed in front of himself. Somehow, it was both more and less embarrassing than being naked before a stranger. He knew his other self saw the heat in his cheeks, knew this Other Felix could tell exactly how aroused he was from every little twitch of his cock, every little uneven hitch of his breath. 

Felix reached for Other Felix’s hair, partly to grip something solid, partly to keep him from looking up. Feeling his own mouth on his cock was one thing; looking into his own eyes while it happened was another entirely.

Other Felix seemed to have little interest in meeting Felix’s gaze once his mouth sank down Felix’s cock, though. He took him in hungrily, bobbing up and down. He flicked his tongue out, instantly hitting _that_ place, that place someone had only hit once before, accidentally, but it had set Felix’s blood on fire. 

Felix gasped, arching into the feeling.

Other Felix dragged his mouth free. “So, you fucked him, too, huh?” 

Felix hated that Other Felix knew so quickly, so easily, just from that errant flick, but there was no point in denying it. 

Other Felix smirked. “If you haven’t yet, you should fuck him again.”

Felix was absolutely _not_ going to confirm or deny that suspicion and Other Felix didn’t seem to care what the answer was anyway. He crawled up, freeing his own cock. 

Felix sat up, taking Other Felix in his hand. Now that this was happening, he needed to know. Or perhaps he just wanted to feel more in control after that little trick with Other Felix’s tongue. 

Felix stroked up and down Other Felix’s cock, rubbing his thumb over the head just the way he knew he liked. Other Felix grit his teeth, trying to clench back his voice, but Felix knew if he kept going it would come out. He glided down, squeezing for a moment before coming back up and teasing that spot again. 

“Fuck.” It burst out in a breath.

Other Felix shoved Felix onto his back again. He trailed his fingers along Felix’s ass, tracing the trembling nerves around his hole. 

“Wait, shit, what are you--” 

“You said I could fuck you,” Other Felix said. 

“That didn’t necessarily mean like this.”

“It’ll feel good,” Other Felix said. “And I know how long you’ve wanted to try it. Who better to show you how to enjoy it?”

That was a fair point, a frustratingly fair point. It made Felix pause, which was apparently enough of an answer for Other Felix. 

Other Felix jerked upright to fumble with his pants, shimmying them off and dropping them onto the floor. Felix still had his shirt on, pushed up though it was, but Other Felix tossed his across the room. Felix searched his lean chest, but it looked no different from his own, no stronger. They were equally matched.

Other Felix knew where to search under the bed for the oil. When Other Felix touched him again, his fingers were slick. Felix tensed instinctively as Other Felix rubbed around his hole.

“You’re going to need to relax,” Other Felix said. 

“Then make me relax.”

He could almost hear Other Felix rolling his eyes. “It’s not a one man job.” 

Still, he pressed against Felix in a way that sent heat spiking up his spine. His blood thrummed as it heated and Felix found that he did, indeed, want more of whatever this was. 

Other Felix understood. He pushed a finger inside, just one digit but the feeling was new and strange enough that it dragged Felix’s whole attention to his own ass. Other Felix started moving that finger around inside Felix, pumping slowly. Something about the drag against his hole, the motion itself, the pushing against his walls – it had Felix shifting his hips, silently asking for more.

A second finger squeezed in. It wasn’t a dramatically different feeling, but it was nice and it muddied Felix’s thoughts, pulling him out of his head and settling him more deeply in the heat building inside his body. 

It was easier now to forget about how this situation had come about, about the dizzying reality that it was _him_ fucking himself, that something must have gone terribly, terribly wrong in the world to facilitate this moment.

Other Felix’s fingers brushed over something within him and any last shred of coherent though evaporated. Felix arched, emitting a noise he’d never admit to. 

Felix thought more was coming and braced, unsure of how he’d bear another feeling like that, but Other Felix slipped his fingers out. He went on stroking Felix’s hole as he looked down at him. 

“Pathetic,” he said.

Felix’s own voice shivered through him. Hearing that sneer come from lips identical to his own proved singularly chilling. 

“Fuck you,” Felix said, but his voice emerged breathy, a pale imitation of the man hunched over him. 

Other Felix was stroking himself, coating his cock in oil. Felix knew what was coming. Part of him trembled in anticipation, another part in fear. He knew he would not be merciful, especially toward himself. 

Other Felix lined himself up against Felix, pushing at him, demanding to be let in. Felix couldn’t do much to resist him. The burn and stretch were superficial; Felix was only too ready to receive himself, to have a cock perfectly fitted to his body inside him. 

Indeed, it squeezed in like it was always meant to be there. Other Felix pushed in deeper and deeper. Every time Felix thought he might stop he found a way to shove more in. 

Felix squeezed his eyes shut, writhing against the sheets. “Shit. Fuck.” He bit out profanities, not sure if they were exclamations of joy or pain or something else entirely. It hurt, but not in a way that really mattered, not as it clashed against the pulsing starting to beat through his body. 

“Gods, you’re noisy,” Other Felix rasped, but he, too, was out of breath. 

“Fuck you,” Felix said. “Are you in yet or not?”

“What do you think?”

What Felix _thought_ was that this was utterly stupid. What Felix _thought_ was that it felt like something was jamming up into his damn throat. What he _thought_ was that he couldn’t tell if he wanted that thing to move and pound him into an incoherent puddle or stay still so he could get his bearings. 

Move. Definitely move. Definitely the former. 

The decision was simple the moment Felix’s body relaxed around the cock shoved up his ass. _Not_ moving meant thinking and that absolutely, positively could not be allowed to happen. 

“Just do it,” he grit out.

Other Felix made some little noise, a huff or a grunt, sarcastic and unimpressed. Felix didn’t care. Fuck him. Fuck his self-satisfied smirks. Fuck his disapproving noises. Someday, Felix would flip this situation around, and then Other Felix would be the one on his back begging for--

Other Felix moved and Felix yelped. It was a horrible sound, but when that cock dragged around inside him he was caught off-guard and unprepared. 

Other Felix swayed back into Felix, picking up speed, finding a pace that let him pound into Felix hard enough to rattle the rickety old bed. Felix was rocked back and forth, jolted by each thrust, and there was nothing he could do about it. His eyes rolled toward the back of his head. His mouth opened around sounds that remained lodged in his throat. He gripped the sheets, but they provided little stability as an exact copy of himself railed him into the mattress. 

Felix’s breaths turned into hot puffs, clipped exclamations. He couldn’t form any sensible words or sounds. Instead what emerged was high-pitched babble, the whining of an animal too mindless with pleasure to do anything but grind and writhe and moan helplessly. 

Goddess, that cock inside him was good. Other Felix knew just how to use it, just where to hit, just how to angle it to make sparks flash hot and delicious in Felix’s gut with every stroke. How did he learn this? How did he know? It’s not like it was possible for Other Felix to fuck himself like this, not until today, at least. So how did he know that shifting his hips in that precise direction and slamming them into Felix would make his eyes hit the back of his skull in delirious bliss? 

“Filthy slut,” Other Felix hissed. “You’re so easy. I didn’t even have to try.”

Felix liked that bit, too, though he didn’t have the faculties to admit it just then. A higher noise emerged, a whine of decadent shame. Felix knew Other Felix was drinking it in. 

“You haven’t even let him do this to you yet and you’re already such a slut for it,” Other Felix said. “He’s going to find you loose after I’m finished with you.” 

As though to punctuate that, Other Felix thrust in harder and deeper. Felix felt like he might slam into a wall from the force. He curled his back, his hips, and took it all, took it as deep as possible, and begged for more. 

Other Felix obliged. 

He gripped Felix’s hips to pull him into his next several thrusts. The pleasure was almost too intense. Felix tried to squirm, to get away (or closer?), but Other Felix was far stronger than him now. The rapture of the moment made him weak, left his muscles unresponsive. Felix could do little but accept it as Other Felix drove into him with renewed force.

He didn’t realize the state he was in until Other Felix hitched forward and slapped him. Felix nearly bit off his tongue in his surprise, a tongue he hadn’t known was lolling out of his mouth. 

“You look like … a fucking animal,” Other Felix said between panting breaths. “Close your fucking mouth, whore.” 

But Felix couldn’t, even if he’d wanted to, even if he’d hoped to prevent the second slap. 

This one was harder. It stung, a sharp burn to contrast the slow, steady, simmering heat pooling within him, preparing to boil out. 

“Again,” he whined. 

“What?” Other Felix said. 

Felix knew Other Felix had heard him. Goddess burn him, he just wanted to hear Felix beg. Stupid bastard. 

That made Felix resist, even with his eyes rolled back and his ass jolting from every thrust. He ground his teeth together to hold back the whining now, gripped the sheets tightly enough to tear the fabric. It steadied him a little, but that only made Other Felix’s pounding hit harder. Still, Felix planted his feet and met it, beat after beat, determined to hold any amount of ground he could in this fight. 

Then the third slap came, harder than any of the others, so hard it cracked through the room, made Felix’s vision go white, made this bizarre reality tilt and split before it returned to a single, still image. 

Felix didn’t realize he’d come from the hit until Other Felix tsked in disgust.

“Slut.”

Then Other Felix followed, going rigid inside Felix, filling him with warmth. 

Felix arched, as though that would get him away from it, as though that could keep his other self from emptying into his ass, filling him with his own seed. It was repulsive and hot and Felix’s whole ass clenched around it. 

Other Felix didn’t pull out even when he was done, leaving the mess inside as he sneered down at Felix. They were both panting now, both disheveled and sweaty. Cum splattered Felix’s torso. There was so much of it. Even when he jerked himself off, he’d never seen quite so much from one go. 

Other Felix gripped him by the chin. It hurt, especially with one cheek still raw from the slapping. He swept down for a rough, ugly kiss, before shoving away and dragging himself out of Felix’s ass. 

The cum leaked out immediately, wet and sticky on Felix’s ass and the mattress beneath him. 

“It was good.” It wasn’t a question and Other Felix probably didn’t expect a response. In any case, Felix didn’t offer one, potentially couldn’t offer one. He lay limp on his filthy bed, legs quivering, ass dripping, gooseflesh breaking out over his skin as he cooled. 

Other Felix was milling about the room, cleaning himself up, retrieving his clothes. Only when he was fully dressed did Felix think to ask, “Where are you going?”

“Oh, do you want me to stay and cuddle you, princess?” Other Felix said.

“Fuck you.”

“I’m going to figure out why the fuck there’s two of us,” Other Felix said. 

“I’ll help,” Felix said.

Other Felix lifted a thin eyebrow. “I don’t think you’ll be in any state to do that for some time.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

Other Felix approached the bed, kneeling beside it. He stroked back Felix’s hair with surprising tenderness. 

“Rest,” he said at Felix’s ear. “You’ll need your strength when I return.”

With that, he stood, found his sword and left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Felix on the disgusting bed with nothing, not even his dignity. 

Least of all his dignity.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to contribute to this collection, by all means: GO WILD. There are no rules. Write Felix. Write any of them. I made a collection because I think the idea is cool but don't have time to write them all. I'm not going to moderate it at all. Do whatever you want. It's called Treat Yourself 2020. Let me know what you write cuz I'd love to see it.
> 
> \--
> 
> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


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